Tuesday, 6 March 2018

13 FINAL CLOSURE//PLEASE

After SUCH a day, I think I want to clear my mind and pen down some thoughts.

Moving on is something I have been struggling with for a long time. I went through it with extremes from one end to the other but the most progress was made probably 6 months ago. I decided to search and try different positive ways to help me get through negative emotions. From just starting journals to exercising, I was a better person in 2018. However, It is hard to deal with the mistakes I have made that hurt others, therefore I choose to let go. I made it sure to myself it is for my own good as I want to be a happier person.

Today I had an intense conversation that leads to closure for someone who use to matter in my life. Other than giving her closure, it allowed both of us to say things out which we kept to ourselves for a long time. Other than all the apologies and thanks, she managed to get the words she needed from me to move on. Though people still warned me about her, I decided to keep my thoughts neutral, taking her words with a pinch of salt and a little benefit of the doubt. I choose to see her as not my concern over building a barrier over her, as I felt it would have been a better mindset to keep it neutral rather than leaving it negative. This was one thing i felt good about myself for today.

As for another issue that was upsetting, I believed that it was still the right thing to leave it alone. There are many ways to deal with friends. Knowing what she decided to do or did, I was more disappointed over angry with the way she left it to be knowing how we close we used to be. However, through the incident, I can see where her priorities are which gives the affirmation and relief regarding her situations.

Whether this is the final closure or not, I do not wish to interfere with this any longer and seriously hope this is the last time I have thoughts like this in my head.


Monday, 5 February 2018

12 KEEPING ON TRACK//

I just feel like penning some thoughts down.

The first month of 2018 is ending, which has been amazing so far.

The month started with me organizing my journals, and just keeping my budget low as my bank took a hit when I went to Niseko last month.

Over the weeks, I realised my week has become a routine, which easy for me to keep track of my life. I managed to give time to exercising and cooking for my family, but it compromises my work life. Being discipline only for my health being and lifestyle is not enough and I need to find a good balance for it. Therefore, things I want to improve for next month; be more productive and do more work.

Some things I have tried this month, I picked up light exercises and started having a more active lifestyle. Eating healthy was a challenge so I try to balance out and keep track of things I eat daily.

Some new things I tried out/small achievements I did was unlocking a new skill during ice skating (after 2 years!) and I did an afternoon of eskating with the guys. I also tried singing lessons which taught me so many new things which got me excited to be able to finally do something I want to do for the longest time.

One of the other things I want to do is, getting a new bag for myself. Other than finally buying a good bag and rewarding myself for the past year, Also starting up my collections for clothes again, finding new goodies and keeping old ones.

Also I found a really positive book about kindness. Other than being pleasing to the eye, it has so many helpful advise and also happy thoughts from people. Reading it teaches me to improves myself and also ended my negative week with lots of positive thoughts.

Everything might not be as smooth sailing as it might be, but I believe that I can learn along the way, adjust to what I need to instead of making excuses and never stop trying.


Tuesday, 2 January 2018

11 GOODBYE//HELLO



RESOLUTIONS 2018

`STOP PROCRASTINATING//LESSEN BROWSING&DOING NOTHING TIME
Ever since I got back from japan, I have diligently been doing something, editing videos, cluttering, but I haven't start any work yet which I'm working on. I do enjoy the feeling of not putting things off which I want to focus on this year. 

Other than work, daily chores, school, I'm hoping to decrease laying around doing nothing or browsing on my phone so often.

`STAY HEALTHY//LOSE&MAINTAIN WEIGHT
I have been trying my best to be healthier since 6 months ago and it felt so much better especially when I was on the trip, feeling less tired, less compliance and so much more productive. Other than physical health, I started to focus on mental health too, which I started blogging, journaling which feels so much better. I feel less negative and feel like I'm in check of my emotions. 

On the weight wise, which haven't been going well, hopefully I will have more discipline regarding that. 

`NEW HOBBIES//LEARN NEW THINGS
Going to Hokkaido made me enjoy snowboarding even though I'm still new at it, It made me consider picking up skateboarding. My boyfriend has already been into eskating so it will be great to have similar hobbies. Other than that, I have been documenting the trip causally which I find it enjoyable, hoping to do more of it this year.

Other things I would hope to continue is, for health, running, swimming, yoga and trying to input some light exercises in my daily life. Also something I have been meaning to start, which is spending a day in library twice a month to learn something new. It was a old habit of mine before I started school 3 years ago and I'm hoping to pick it up again!

`SAVE MONEY//SPEND LESSER&SAVE MORE 
To be honest, looking at 2017, I personally feel I have had quite a change in my spending habits. I've become more aware of my money, where my money go, and definitely have lesser splurging. Overall, I just need to save money, and keep track of what I would spend on.

`ART//HAVE AT LEAST 12 FAVOURITE DIGITAL ART&MAKE A CALENDAR 
Other than continuing the projects which I would love to get it done by june, I personally would want to start a year project of having a monthly favourite art piece. Reasons being; one is to get me motivated to have do a favourite monthly piece and two, is to create a calendar which was inspired by my mum, because she thinks I could do it. 

`GOALS
Some small goals, I would like to get my driving license before june, get a tattoo on my birthday and maybe start a youtube channel. 

2017 has been overall fulfilling. Trying so many new things to improve myself, meeting new people and also having healthy body and relationships. There were many ups and downs but it brought me new opportunities, learning new understanding of myself and brought my closer to people that mattered, so thank you 2017.

& HELLO 2018!

Tuesday, 7 November 2017

10 THANKFUL//CLOSURE


Firstly I want to say happy birthday to my best friends. You made a amazing leap forward in your life and I hope you will carry on finding out your life to where you want to be in your life.

Secondly, I had such a wonderful time with this lovely lady yesterday with our swimming+dinner date. The swimming session was wonderful as I surprised myself with more laps than I ever did before.

People like this make you remember that even though there are ups and downs in life and people drift away once in awhile, the people who matters always choose to stay by your side.


Lately I have started to do some research on mental health and I really enjoy the whole process of it! Other than doing some mood tracking, I have also begin a journal. which I really enjoy. I realised how it helps when I'm having a bad day or just in general feel negative.

The reason why I started is to give myself a closure to all the unwanted thoughts and negative feelings I have. For so long I have difficulties trying to handle it, from drinking to just keeping it to myself and even thinking happy thoughts. Despite all that, I'm glad to have arrived at where I am now.

Of course, my appreciation goes out to the people who stayed and encouraged me all these while. Thank you all.

Tuesday, 24 October 2017

09 INKTOBER DUMP//


( my inktober 08 )
INKTOBER STARTED!

Some of my inktober goals are to be more fluent and confident in my lines and use this time to have more practice. This year, the tools I'm using are PlaycolorK by Tombow and blue pencil.

Sadly, I'm not keeping up with it very well. I am currently a week late so late that I have no idea if I'm still doing this and I haven't got out of drawing characters yet. Anyway so this is what I have so far!



Monday, 18 September 2017

08 UPS&DOWNS//THANKFUL


To get the negativity out of the way, I'm going to start with this.

Dealing with people has always been a problem for me. People come and go and I know I always have an issue with it. Dealing with it is definitely difficult but thinking that its better not to have people who treat you half-ass and be thankful for those who have been there and cared for you.

NOW the happy stuff :B

Lately, I have been focusing on health. I have been eating cleaner and running much more than I have ever done in the last 5 years or more. Drinking wise didn't go as plan but I have lots of progression which I'm happy about. It felt good to know I still have a certain level of discipline.

I had difficulty doing what I want to do and what I need to do for awhile due to the different places I stay at. Though there are limitations but I have been making plans and doing my best to make it work lately. For awhile all I have been doing is complain therefore I started making my plans according to what has happened. Not all of my plans will follow through but I evaluate and do my best to improve.

I had a rare chit chat with my mom at night and little gestures like this makes me realise how thankful I am for her. Even though she nags and has her flaws, her heart has always have the best interest for me no matter what.

Also, one of my dearest friend came back into my life and graduated lately and I'm so happy for her. She is probably one of the most positive influence I have in my life and i'm so glad she stuck around despite having our different lives.

One of the things that got me so pumped this week was, I DYED MY HAIR BLUE. It has been a dream of mine to get blue hair and to be honest, this wasn't my first time. However, this was the best results that I have had so I'm so thankful for my baby for helping me with this and loving me for who I'm.

Having ups and downs for an entire week made me realise how grateful and thankful I'm for everyone there and supporting me. It also made me realise how proud I'm of how far I have made it and continues to motivate and improve myself.

Wednesday, 30 August 2017

07 MINI ME//


Recently, I have been watching youtubers who does animations, therefore I randomly created a mini me! I would love to do animations on youtube but I might have other plans on mind.

Also, I created a mini boyfriend too :3

My productivity level went down in the past 2 weeks. I stopped keeping track of my money, my work, and I left my work untouched. All I'm concentrating on doing now is getting myself out of the house to work, NOT EVEN ON TIME FOR WORK. Just, out of the house so I'm actually going to work.

Well, I'm not going to discredit myself. Even though I haven't been exercising much but I did push myself to do a little here and there in the past 2 weeks. I'm so out of shape that I don't look good in my clothes anymore. THEREFORE,

MOTIVATION; GET BACK TO HAVING A NICE AND HEALTHY BODY.

I used to have a better body but It wasn't healthy at all. Being in an environment where I tried so hard to be prefect & skinny is something I do not want to go through again. Though I dislike my body now, but It does not make me want to starve myself or anything, but instead, its a good motivation for me to start being healthier.